Managing Former Peers

Being promoted into a leadership role over people who were once your peers is one of the most complex transitions in professional life. You are not starting fresh with a new team and you are not staying exactly where you were either. As such, expectations shift quietly, relationships subtly change and power dynamics evolve, whether anyone names them or not.

Many first-time managers feel the discomfort of this transition long before they understand what is actually happening.

Below are some common observations of the change, followed by practical tips to help manage it well.

Observations of the change

When someone steps into leadership over former peers, the dynamic shifts immediately, even if no one acknowledges it. This is even more conscious if your peers were hustling for the role you have just landed, or they didn’t put their name in the hat for it and feel they deserved to be considered (and maybe even feel they deserve it more than you).

Conversations can become slightly more cautious, informal venting may continue, but with an undercurrent of testing where the new boundary sits.
Some colleagues may overcompensate with friendliness, while others withdraw or become more guarded. This can feel like a lonely transition.

Promotions often land unevenly, with a mix of support, disappointment, and comparison quietly circulating. At the same time, new leaders frequently overcorrect, either trying too hard to remain “one of the cool group” or becoming more formal and procedural than necessary (shocking the foundations of previously held relationships). Underneath it all sits a shared uncertainty about expectations, authority, and how the relationship now works.

Consideration that may support the change

1. Name the shift early and calmly

You do not need a dramatic announcement (hold off on the balloon drop). A simple, grounded statement helps reset expectations:

“This role changes how I show up. My aim is to be clear, fair, and consistent. If something feels off, I want us to talk about it early.”

Naming the change reduces guessing and prevents stories filling the silence. Step into your power and own it - you’re a leader, start leading the change.

2. Lead through consistency, not performance

Credibility grows when people experience:

• Clear decisions

• Follow-through

• Fair treatment

• Predictable standards

You do not need to perform authority. You build it through steady behaviour and continued steady + fair behaviour builds trust.

3. Replace closeness with clarity

My favourite mantra and I live by it, a career built in People + Culture has proven its worthiness of my favouritism - “CLARITY IS KINDNESS”….

Be clear about expectations, responsibilities, and boundaries.
Be transparent about how decisions are made.
Be consistent in applying standards.

Professional respect is built on clarity far more than friendliness.

4. Set boundaries that protect relationships

You cannot be everyone’s confidant and their decision-maker.

It is okay to say:

“I want to support you, and I also need to stay in my role here.”

Boundaries prevent resentment from building on both sides. Its ok to create new boundaries that might not have been there previously, the reality is everything else has changed so your relationship needs to shift too. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing - it just means it will be different and it will take time to settle into a new way of being.

5. Accept a period of discomfort

This transition often includes a quiet grief for how things used to be. We always talk about the closing of one door opening another, but it works the opposite way too; in the opening of this new door, you have the close the other.

That does not mean you are doing anything wrong, it means you are growing into a different level of responsibility.

Discomfort is part of leadership development. Finding ways to thrive in uncertainty and discomfort is a part of good leadership.

My reflection

Managing former peers is not about choosing between being liked and being respected, it is about becoming trustworthy in a different way.

When you lead with clarity, steadiness, and self-awareness, most people adjust. Even when the transition feels awkward, clear leadership serves everyone better than ambiguity. Handled well, this moment becomes a defining chapter in how you lead and who you become as a leader.

You can’t own other peoples bad behaviour, it isn’t a reflection of you but rather a reflection of their ability to handle this change. Supporting a good change process gives everyone a chance to adjust, and those who aren’t on board with it will either choose their path to acceptance or help you choose whether they’re right for your team as you move into the future and that might just include some uncomfortable conversations.

The questions I would leave you with as you ponder this:

• What kind of leader do you want your former peers to experience you as, six months from now?

• What would it look like to prioritise being trustworthy over being liked in your leadership?

Stay curious x

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